I know he’s doing what he needs to do right now and I’m doing me. It’s just weird that maybe, I just need to set my best friend free.
•marriage, do or don’t?•
I was brought up to believe once you get married you feel a sense of security. Security in the sense knowing you found the one person you’re supposed to be with, everybody else is just shadows in the backround. Now, from personal experience I never truly felt secure in my marriage. I always felt like he could do better or always wanted someone more than me. (Looking back, I realize I had multiple aspects as to why I felt this way) I always wrote it off as part of the reason my marriage failed. Insecurity & never feeling enough. I recently went out with a friend who is now married & she was saying how she would never think her husband would cheat, but never fully felt secure. It was in the back of her mind that he could be checking out/meeting girls at work, the gym or just a simple daily errand he’s running. My question is when did we all become so insecure? What happened to the idea of relationships, especially marriage that’s supposed to be so sacred between two people they never had to consider an outside temptation? Can our generation blame social media? It’s similar to dating these days, nobody really settles down into a long term relationship because they feel there could always be something better. How do we quit temptation and really focus on we’re with? Is it as simple as deleting social media and pouring all the focus into a relationship? Do we need to start dating ourselves and realize that we can no longer rely on our companion to fulfill that security? I want to know when security became such a problem. I can truthfully say since my marriage ended I’ve learnt to love myself. I have nobody to impress except myself. If I want to watch a cheesey movie and eat all my favourite junk food I will. I now understand that when I do find someone I want to invest my time in that I will be good enough. A significant other doesn’t have the right to take that away from me. I don’t know if I’m learning this because of my experiences in life at such a young age or if this is part of growing up and getting to know me. I’m not sure I would’ve ever gotten to when I am mentally if I was still married. I truthfully thought the sense of insecurity was just something that was wrong with me. I didn’t know other people also felt this way. Especially married couples. Do men feel insecure in their relationships too? Most people are quick to blame social media, but is there a way to have a long lasting relationship AND have social media? Or is our generation forever going to feel there is always someone better? I guess this is modern day relationships now. Can marriage be kept sacred and secure? Will we always be tempted by someone else? I understand not everyone has temptation, not everyone will act on temptation if they do. I’m curious to see how marriage will be in 10 years from now, will social media or overall temptation totally destroy the idea of one person forever? Guess I’ll just have to wait and see.
– Curious Crooks
•yes, I’m best friends with my ex husband•
Let’s begin with this, I truly believe you can be friends with an ex. Once the romance is over, it’s over. Why not be friends with someone you were once close with? You’re at the point that your relationship has run its path, what’s in the past is in the past. Obviously if it was an abusive relationship, bad chemistry or anything extremely negative you’re not going to want to keep them around. But let’s be realistic, if you can remain friends why not? At this point you’re probably thinking I’m crazy, like I have 4 heads. Typical response. My ex husband and I have the mutual respect for each other that we knew when to call it quits. When everything stopped adding up romantically & we still wanted to stay close as friends. The smart way to divorce. Now, of course dating is slightly tricky. Explaining that you’re best friends with your ex husband usually makes guys run for the hills. I’m at the point in my life that if you can’t accept my ex and I being close then we could never be together anyways. I truly lucked out with my ex. We have the perfect makings for a friendship, and a horrible concoction for romance. Maybe even oil & water if you will. This doesn’t mean I need to disrespect him, dislike him or hope he’s not happy. I’m always going have a soft spot for him in my heart & wishes whatever he does next in life makes him truly happy. He’s a great guy, he deserves happiness. I guess the odd looks I receive when we say “oh no, we aren’t dating, we’re actually divorcing” are never going to end. But I will happily & openly discuss being best friends with my husband because I mean, why not? People should be more openly accepting of others & not purposely holding onto negative feelings for something that’s in the past. Love doesn’t have to end because a marriage did. A great friendship just grows.
– Divorcing Crooks