He makes me absolutely crazy. He makes me mad. He makes me question and love and appreciate things I never thought I would. He’s helped me take on a new direction in life I didn’t think I could. He’s crazy, he’s obnoxious but he’s mine. There is something to be said about someone who makes you so crazy, so emotional both up and down that proves you love him. There’s just something about him that makes me love him more and more every day. Even when I’m burnt out, tapped out and ready to call it quits. He’s there and somehow I just know it’s all going to work out. He’s my sunshine on a cloudy day.
Saying goodbye is never easy. I don’t care who you are. When you say goodbye to anyone you lose apart of you, even if it’s temporarily. Loosing my then husband, telling him I didn’t want what I promised him. Forever wasn’t for me anymore. Loving someone enough to let them go and not be stuck in a one way relationship. I’ll never forget sitting him down that night. I had no idea what I was going to say, what was going to come from it. I worried about the dog, the house and our financial state. As much as I didn’t want to be with him anymore I still loved him enough to not just up and leave him. After many tears and a single piece of paper with all of our belongings divided between us; it was done. It was surreal.m, It was painful. I had no idea what the next steps were. I remember waking up the next morning not wanting to get out of bed. I feared I had torn him apart. My once husband, best friend and soul mate. It destroyed me. It was harder than the talk we had the night previous. Facing him, knowing what we had was over and deciding where to next. To be honest, I was in such fear the details majority of the morning was a blur. The only real part I can remember was walking down those 12 stairs to the kitchen, seeing him standing there. He turned around gave me one big massive hug and promised me we would always stay close. Despite all the anger and hurt, a friendship was what was most important to us. It was a very long, excruciating painful road ahead, but I knew we would survive it. I still to this day three do not regret the conversation had. I’ve never felt so free.
Be real, be raw. Go after everything you want. If you hate who you are in the morning then change it. Be vulnerable. It’s uncomfortable at first but you won’t regret it. Life gives you a new opportunity every morning; 24 hours to mould and shape who you’re going to be. Don’t waste it not loving life. Don’t live the same day twice, that isn’t a life. 2017 taught me some real lessons about life. It taught me a lot about who I am and who I want to be. I’m thankful for those who tagged along and those who bowed out gracefully. I wake up happy and thankful for my life every day. You should too. Bring on 2018.