The truth is…

– I’m sickly obsessed with my dogs

– I’m impossible to make plans with. I get anxiety I won’t be liked if there is new people there

– I dream too much

– I have thick skin with a soft interior, most people won’t see that side of me however.

– I rather hide in a blanket fort then ever go on a date

– I’m addicted to my cell phone

– I’m a front. Very few people actually know me.

– Beer is a suppressant for me

– I just want to feel loved but often to feel unappreciated 

– I have no idea where my life is going. Sometimes the idea of it can be my best friend or my worst enemy

The moment I knew it was over.

•fragile•

This is a tough one for me. I debated publishing this one for months now. It’s a painful one. I won’t get into too many details but I felt I needed to be raw, real & honest about what happened to my marriage. I lost myself. I would almost consider it a black out period. Something wasn’t right. The wedding was fantastic. My husband was amazing. Great guy, fantastic career & a promising future to be had. We got along famously. We worked well together. We liked many of the same things. It just worked. Two puzzle pieces perfectly connected. That is, until I fell down the rabbit hole. After the wedding I turned miserable. I couldn’t understand who I was. I was this mean, ugly person to this amazing guy who just promised to love and take care of me for the rest of his life. I can honestly say the best moment of my life (even to this day) was standing up at the altar, feeling so alive staring at my soon to be husband and saying our vows. I’ve never loved him as much as I did in that moment. Then, darkness. I couldn’t remember what day it was, who I was or where I even wanted to go in life. I put on a smile, flashed my big sparkly ring for everyone to see but inside I was dying. I tried for months to pull out of it. This flashy ring meant nothing to me anymore. It wasn’t who I was or even what I wanted. I actually only started wearing it for work and family functions. I hated what it represented. I fought with my new husband often. I blamed him for things that weren’t his fault. I was confused, lost and angry. We talked about counselling but the problem was with me. Not him. I decided to book a girls vacation to Vegas to get away for a bit. Give him and I a little break from misery and get some time apart. I woke up the morning I was flying out to Vegas to a note on our kitchen island. Amongst other things it said “I know you don’t love me like you did the day we got married anymore. I do still love you” My heart sank. He was right. I was falling out of love with my husband. I took that note to Vegas and read it every day I was there. It was like being hit by a dump truck over and over again. I knew it was over. I didn’t know where I was going but I knew this eight year relationship was fading fast. When I arrived home from Vegas we talked. We tried to make it work for months. It was gone. Nether of us could recreate the spark. I still have the note. I keep it in a safe place to read from time to time. It still hurts. I still cry every time I read it. I loved my husband. I respect him as a person, as an ex and as a good friend of mine. I know he’s going to make an amazing husband and dad one day. It just won’t be with me. I’m lucky enough to still call him my friend and talk to him often. I’m thankful for that every day. But that was it. The moment I knew it was over.

– Cooks in discovery

-Authentic-

truth•

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. It means exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are made of strength and struggle. It means nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.”- Brene Brown 

When life becomes a number. 

•meet 739577•

Hello! Welcome to the first five minutes I’ve had free in a month. Why may you ask? Working two jobs, living alone, owning two dogs & trying to keep up with life in general has taken over. Is this a complaint? No. I would love to have more time for my blog and daily activities I love. It just isn’t a possibility for me right now. I’ve found myself on a daily hustle going from working one eight hour job, rushing home to let the pups out and then running (okay let’s be honest it’s more of a higher speed walk. Running = ew. Not this girl) to my next job where I’ll work about 6-8 hours just go home to bed and do it again the next day. Money is fantastic, don’t get me wrong. Living in the most expensive part of Canada however means you do need to hustle. I’m extremely lucky in the sense that I do actually like both of my jobs but I’m tired of just clocking in one place just to clock into another. I know my life won’t always be like this or that I need to live this way but adventure costs money. One of my biggest focus’ for 2017 is to get outside more, explore more of the world & tour BC with the pups. In order to achieve those goals I’ve accepted this as my life for right now. I know the hustle will pay off. I guess my point of this post is to just drop a line, say hello & know that I’ll be back soon.

Sincerely,

Employee – 739577