•it’s complicated•

I’m never going to be the girl you’re looking for. I’m never going to be that girl you’ve built up as your “perfect girl”. I’m probably not even going to be that girl you dreamed of. I’m real. I fight, I cry, I fall too hard and I give up too easily. I can’t change who I am. It’s hard to accept that this will probably never work but I need to remember that I am me. I’ve got a love for dogs, adventure and passion of all kinds. I have a secret nerd side of me who loves to game, read comics and talk about super heroes all night. It’s almost like you expect me to wake up and be a different person. I’m not, this is me. I’ve shown you apart of me others have never seen. I built that connection with you to try to build a relationship with you and it still wasn’t there. I wasn’t “it”. A strong connection wasn’t enough for you to feel like it was worth it. I’ll probably never understand it but I do need you to know that I gave you all of me. You saw the good bad and the ugly. I don’t know what else I could’ve done. I understand this wasn’t on me, what was between us wasn’t a lie; but I can’t seem to shake the idea of someone giving up something so good. I know there’s a lesson to be learnt here. Maybe I’m not ready for this, for you or any other type of relationship. You’re making me this crazy girl with feelings and I don’t’ like it. Only I can control how I feel but right now I feel like a puppet on a string. This emotional, heartfelt girl with multiple emotions isn’t me. Why can’t I push past this? Every other guy in my past was a breeze, but you? Seems impossible. I should’ve kept my walls up. Instead I jumped in with two feet. I’ll never say I’m angry with you. That isn’t the case. The disappointment seems to be enough. I hope you’ll realize one day how amazing this could’ve been and instead of putting in the work you walked away. If there’s one thing I could say to you it would be “nothing worth it comes easy”. 
– compulsive crooks.

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