fitting in.

hear your heart•

I’m not sure where to start. I’ve never felt so lost yet so found at the same time. Obviously moving across country all alone is going to be hard. Leaving behind your best friends, your family & anyone who’s ever made an impact on your life is bound to be difficult. I guess I just didn’t understand the challenge I was facing. I’m not writing this for sympathetic reasons. I’m writing because I feel like I’m constantly reassuring people I’m okay, that I’m happy. I love Vancouver, I really feel I’m feeding my soul, becoming a person I’ve wanted to for so long. At the same time, not having a best friend to meet for tea to talk about guys, work or just life in general is really hard. Not being able to just hug my parents when I’ve had a rough day knowing they would be there in a heart beat if I wanted them to. Things I didn’t consider moving across the country. Fitting in, making friends when you’re the
“new” kid hasn’t particularly been easy for me either. Working 40 hours a week, living in a strange city & being a mama to two fur babies leaves me little time to “get out there” and make friends. Don’t get me wrong, I have already met some great people. Trying to BE myself while trying to FIND myself is a totally different challenge. I’ve never struggled with making friends. I’ve always been true to myself, danced to my own tune. However, when you’re changing so drastically you’re sure to get lost. You don’t know who you are, what kind of friends you want in your life or where you could possibly fit in. The culture shock alone of coming from a country lifestyle of driving everywhere, eating a quick meal and life on the run VS. a neighbourhood where the common lifestyle consists of a laid back, yoga doing, clean eating & biking everywhere. What a difference. I love it, I love the diversity of what I’ve experienced in such a small time. This is a lifestyle I’ve dreamt of for a long time. I guess I just wish I had someone to share it with. Someone who could understand what I’m going through, or is going through the same thing I am. I refuse to just work eat and sleep while I’m living out here but I’m so challenged to change my life style, finding more hours in a  day while making everyone else around me happy. I want to experience Vancouver for everything it has to offer. I’ve made a point to go to the beach at least once a day and take in the mountains, scenery & making a point to sit back even if it’s just for a few minutes. It still just isn’t enough. I guess this is all apart of the experience of “becoming” I’m sure with time it will get easier, but for now its seeming like a constant struggle to explore, live & take care of my life’s basic needs all at once. It’s all about defying who I was compared to whom I want to be. What my next step will be. In this crazy upside down game called life.

-Juggling Crooks.

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